suicidal_lette (suicidal_lette) wrote in true_torment,

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hi its me Jen

hey i posted in here with my old LJ username on October 6... but i thought that i would update you on whats going on with me...:) lets see the last time i cut myself was on October 1 (2004) before my uncles concert (which tottaly kicked major ass!) anywayz It was before the concert when me and my boyfriend and my dad were talking in the living room well my dad has a tendency to yell and scream at me... it usually doesnt bother me but yea since this time it was in front of my bf it was kinda different!!! if you kno what i mean noone likes to get yelled at in front of their bf/gf or friends so i got pissed off and went up in my room and made 3 big gashes on my left leg and 3 big gashes on my right leg... (since i was wearing long pants i didnt worry much about people seeing what i did)... i also puched my wall (which happens to be made of cement since im in the attic) and i really messed up my knuckles now... ok thats about it... not that big of a thing to cut myself over but what the hell I FELT LIKE SHIT!!!!... and i was going to cut myself just a few minutes ago becuz me and my boyfriend just got into a huge fight!!!!! but i decided to take my anger out and write about when i cut myself the last time and how i felt afterward (guilt) so i think writing sometimes helps me with my anger!!! well the fight between us was not that big of a deal but im not in the best mood becuz im in pain (i had to go to the hospital yesterday becuz i had a sist down in my "female area") and the stupid pain killers are not working AT ALL!!!! so usually when im in pain i get agrivated very easy! but anywayz my bf's brother was pissin me off so i got pissed at him and my bf all becuz i was agrivated!!!! and now i feel bad about it cuz my bf said "i love you, bye" on the phone just a couple min ago and i didnt say anything back and now i feel really bad cuz i didnt call him back (my sis is on the phone) and he hasnt called me back so im thinking hes pissed at me...but he didnt even give me enough time to answer back to hime and now I FELL REALLY BAD!!!!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO?????????? im not that good in relationships... but i must be doing something right if he has been with me for about 5 months now :) anywayz my hands are staring to hurt becuz i havent typed this much in a looooonnnnnngggggg ass time so leave me a comment or something with some ADVICE!!!! :) thanx i really need the help ~!~JeNnIfEr~!~
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